


Torment Always Haunts the Weary

by daderface



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24504118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daderface/pseuds/daderface
Summary: I don't know how to explain it other than self indulgent Obi-Wan Kenobi lovin'
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 45





	1. Informational Drought

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh!!! My first public star wars fic! Hope you all enjoy it!! I'll be updtaing and adding chapters every day, im unsure of how long I will be continuing this but definately for a long while.

Life isn’t easy, it’s not meant to be. Life is expected to be complicated, life is meant to have struggles and downfalls just as often as it is to instill hope. Of course, standing on the outskirts of the only place you had ever called home, remembering that you can never return certainly soured your mood more than the looming possibilities of life’s struggles ever could. The tall grasses shifted around your ankles as a breeze blew through. You weren’t supposed to be here, you knew that better than anyone. You are a Jedi after all, Jedi are not to have attachments. You should have stayed with the ship, with Obi-Wan. With your dearest friend. Yet here you are, mourning a life you had no memory of. Your lips tenderly part to let out a soft sigh, dropping down into the grasses, eyes closing gently. 

“(Y/n)?” A voice softly called, a gentle poke to your forehead followed. The shade this figure’s shape provided you was a welcome luxury from the blazing sun. “Are you alright?” the voice continued. You cracked one eye open, the sight above you becoming more familiar than home. The grin that spread across gently defined features felt comfortable. His shining blue eyes seemed to scan your face for any sort of abnormality as you scanned the entirety of his face. “I am well, thank you Obi-Wan.” You spoke, voice laced with a tender laugh. In truth, your friendship with the other padawan would be teetering on the edge of inappropriate by Jedi standards, had anyone known just how deeply your heart swelled for your dearest friend, the one you have grown up beside. He laughed with you, just as he always had. Never condescending, never rude in tone, just light enough to show that he too had cared for you in the same manner. His eyes threatened to shut as a he leaned back up, standing tall to offer you a strong hand to escape the clutches of the long grasses. You accepted, a devilish grin replacing the lighthearted expression you had as you forcefully pulled him down next to you. His eyes widened as he fell, a gasp leaving his lips before he crashed with a thud. “Unfair! I offered you peace!” He feigned pain, pretending your actions were worse to him than any sort of treason. One of his hands clutched his chest, proving more that your dear friend should perhaps have been an actor, not a Jedi.

Waiting for your masters to complete a task from the council was boring but had more to offer when you realized you and Obi-Wan were tasked with watching the ship. You enjoyed the peaceful moments you were able to share with Obi-Wan, more than any padawan would care to admit. You spent most of the time laughing and joking with each other, thoughts having a wild time attempting to keep up with some of the more profound things Obi-Wan had to offer as you both laid in the dirt and grass. He was always like that, you mused in your mind, ever a mystery and yet so straightforward. You wondered how he did it as you stared at his profile. “Do I have something on my face?” He joked, shooting up from his prone position on the ground. You snorted and sat up as well. “No, not at all. I suppose I got lost in thought. Perhaps we should head back to the ship, after all we were not to leave it.” You hummed, standing up and brushing down your robes. It seemed more of the grass clung to them than remained on the ground with how much you sluffed off. This time, it was Obi-Wan’s turn to follow in your footsteps, snorting as you visibly became frustrated. “Perhaps you will learn not to make me panic now?” He grinned that little grin he always gave when he knew how smug he sounded. It was frustratingly endearing, a sight to see. “Very funny Obi, perhaps you should not be so easily fooled.” You retort, satisfied with your so-called victory over both the grass and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The two of you walked in silence, a comfortable silence that flowed like a river rather than distanced two people. The ship rising on the horizon was a welcomed sight, the lack of your masters visibly around was another relaxing revelation. That is until you watched the ship’s door hiss open with your approach. Qui-gon jinn stood with arms crossed, his stature intimidating, aura of mild disappointment. Behind him, barely being seen over the broadness of Obi-Wan’s master stood your rather fresh master, Eeth Koth. He seemed less disappointed, more relieved that nothing had occurred to either you or to Obi-Wan. You having been his first padawan, it would not look well in the eyes of the jedi and the republic if something had happened to you. He took over your training after your original master had passed away, promising to guide you through padawan training kindly even though he was barely considered a Jedi Knight himself. 

Softly you punched Kenobi’s shoulder, a reminder that while you stepped out for fresh air, he was supposed to stay near the ship. You couldn’t stay mad at him, the look of apologetic sorrow he bore told you everything you needed to know. “Were you not instructed to watch our ship, little Padawans?” Qui-Gon Jinn called out to you both, a calm tone covering anger with a soft blanket. Eeth’s eyes squinted a little, waiting for an answer as the two of you stepped before the opening of the craft. Simultaneously, you both bowed in both respect and apology. “I apologize, it was my fault. Obi-Wan simply worried for my safety as I wandered away from orders.” You stated, staying bowed as Obi-Wan lifted his head. “Please accept my apology Master Qui-Gon Jinn and Master Eeth Koth.” You finished, waiting for the inevitable sigh to leave Qui-Gon’s lips to come. Instead, the silence allowed you to hear the soft shift in fabric followed by Qui-Gon’s hand firmly holding your shoulder. “I suppose given the circumstances… This being your home planet… You are forgiven. Again, you were instructed to keep watch over our ship while we finished a few tasks for the council. You may be forgiven, but you still disobeyed orders. Punishment will be spoken about while we are in orbit.” He trailed off, turning to enter the pale brightness of the Republic transport ship you arrived on. “Master Qui-Gon is correct my padawan. Please see to it you do not disobey direct orders again.” Master Koth continued. You lifted your head from your bowing position. “Yes master, I understand. Thank you for your kind forgiveness.” You stated, having gotten used to apologizing. Eeth nodded slowly and entered the ship, leaving you and Obi-wan to follow. Kenobi gestured for you to enter first, being the gentleman he was. You nodded to him, a small smile replacing the stern apologetic blankness you were used to using around Jedi. Obi-wan followed behind you, managing to let out a sigh. “You did not need to take the full blame, I left the ship alone on my own accord.” He peeked at your eyes as the two of you strapped into your seats. You kindly smiled to him. “I know, but I chose to take the blame regardless.” Your reply came out sweetly, showing that you were glad he understood the favor you had done for him, sheltering him from his own master’s disappointment.


	2. Unexplainable Illness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize I did not get a chapter out yesterday! I had a terrible migraine that would not go away after work. Hopefully this makes up for it!
> 
> A bit of a boring chapter, the next takes place during Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's orders from Chancellor Valorum to Naboo!

The ride back to the Jedi Temple was easy enough, here and there conversation would be made about just about any small talk you can imagine. Obi-wan, eventually sick of meaningless conversation politely asked of future tasks he would be assigned to with Qui-Gon Jinn. The Jedi master had few answers, yet spoke of possibilities. Truth be told, you hadn’t paid much attention. Eyes glued to the passing hyperspace beyond the windows instilled wonder back into your heart. The streaking blues, whites, and greys molding perfectly with the blackness of space around your shuttle was one of the most mesmerizing portions of space travel. The ebb and flow of emptiness speeding past you was something you had seen countless times, yet could always find yourself dreaming of once more. The voices around you faded slowly, becoming a damp murmur shared amongst a master and his apprentice. Eeth seemed to pay attention, albeit in a very lack luster way. It was as if his body was amongst the speaking class but his mind refrained from any emotion or rebuttals. Your master had always confused you, his force signature was something you hadn’t felt before. It was completely unique and almost felt like a calling tune, aimed towards brothers that he was taught meant everything to him but then were forced from his grasp. Much like sand between a clenched fist, they fade. He had explain his worry for his brothers to you before, a moment you had caught as a fleeting pain seeping from his core and energizing the air with a feverish worry. He was always kind and reassuring, sticking to the codes you held as well with no question or doubt.

You enjoyed musing to yourself, relaxing into your own thoughts just as a calm sea pushes to the shore delicately. The energy escaping you seemed to relax Obi-Wan as well, a testament to the connection you were both forbidden from sharing. As you relaxed, his visibly tense shoulders gently unwound, lowering to a calmer position on his body. Your head lolled over, tuning back into conversation as you made your descent upon Coruscant. Qui-gon Jinn seemed to have spoken his dues, remaining silently composed as the shuttle slowly landed. Below and waiting for your arrival was Master Yoda, something odd for a mission this vaguely irrelevant to anything else occurring amidst the rabble. The four of you slowly exited the craft, Yoda’s face shifting from a polite smile to a serious expression aimed to your small group. “Information, have you?” Yoda’s small and yet commandingly scratchy voice emitted. He was always clear in intention, words betraying that intention with confusing phrasing. You stood before Yoda, Eeth Koth to your left, Obi-Wan to your right and Qui-Gon Jinn holding steady at the far end. Each of you took your time to bow before Qui-Gon spoke up. “There was a clear lack of informational knowledge concerning the political sway of nearing systems. We did not find anything new Master Yoda.” His voice came out smoother than delicately churned butter. This revelation (or lack thereof) made Yoda hum in short disdain. “Matters not, it does. New orders, the council has.” Yoda stepped slowly, the cane he used clicking as he turned ever so slowly away from you all. “Come.” He finished, turning slightly back to motion you four to follow. Keeping the same order and following Yoda’s pace down the hallways of the Jedi Temple made the walk you all took cost twice as much time, a luxury you would soon find out you did mot have.

Slowly but surely, Yoda led you through the corridors expertly. The four of you were invited to speak with the council, a position Qui-Gon had turned down in favor of his current Jedi Master status. As Yoda took his seat, grunting with the effort of the task he held, the four of you bowed respectfully before the council members. The information was shared once more to the council’s dismay, eyes shifting from one to another. Neither you nor Obi-Wan spoke a word as deep politics and trade disputes amongst other planets. The discussion continued peacefully, Qui-Gon Jinn leading the conversation in everyone in your party’s place. As quickly as it had started, the council dismissed everyone. The two masters furthermore dismissed both you and Obi-Wan to rest for a moment. “Thank you master.” The unity of yours and Obi-Wan’s voices made the two of you smirk. Your masters nodded, turning to leave in separate directions outside the council’s doors. 

“Well then, perhaps we should get something to eat?” Obi-wan flashed a brighter smile towards you. You returned his kind smile, nodding in agreement to his choice of plans. The two of you walked, occasionally exchanging glances. Your mind wandered slightly, a feeling of fear slowly permeating your joy of your friend’s presence. Your eyebrows knit together, casting your gaze softly upon the ground. You continued your gait, clenching your fists together tightly. You had a sense of foreboding, something that warned you of an event that was distant but also closely within grasp. Attempting to sift through the fog of this warning was like attempting to comb your fingers through durasteel. Obi-wan noticed the shift in your mood, gently nudging your elbow with his own. “Are you sure you are feeling well?” Obi-wan quietly asked. His tone filled was genuine concern, filtering out the usual sass he naturally contained. You shook your head, fear filling you from your head to your toes shifting into a deep rock in your gut. You halted, moving a hand to grasp over your mouth. Shaking you head, you leaned into Obi-Wan. He took the notion quickly and held you. “I apologize, I do not know what is happening. I believe I should go lie down and alert Master Koth.” You muttered, space around you shifting. The only constant you had was Obi-Wan as he took the brunt of your weight onto himself. The padawan nodded, gently guiding you to the living quarters, which were far out of his own way. Once you had reached your own door, a trip that seemed to last forever, you quickly opened it up and stepped in. Obi-Wan held you tight and guided you to your small cot. Slowly, he laid you down, taking time to brush the hair from your face and press the back of his palm to your forehead. “Oh dear…” He muttered softly, concern lacing his soft features. His fingers lingered on your face, shifting to your cheek. “Please get some rest. I am one call away if you need anything.” He whispered, stepping away from you, almost reluctantly. He shared a soft smile as you pinched your eyes shut. “Thank you kindly Obi-Wan, you are a true hero.” You joked, managing a weak smile. Your friend chuckled at this action, bowing his head slightly to hide it. “Rest well my dear.” He noted, turning and quickly leaving your quarters. As he left, you melted into your cot, almost literally. Sweat pooled around you and into your hair as you struggled to sleep. The feeling within your mind and your gut wouldn’t leave. It stayed and got worse, forcing you up and over to the bathroom. The feeling pooled deeper as you threw yourself down before your toilet. Your head pounded, screams filling it to the brim. Deathly screams, followed by silence as you attempted to steady your breathing and your emotions. Slowly, the need to vomit left. You shrugged off your robes, leaving nothing but the thin under clothing in an attempt to cool the heat. You slowly stood, feet shaky as you walked. Making it over to your cot, you dropped in, not caring for grace or composure at this point. You slowed your breathing. In and out, in and out, in and out. The repetition calming your feelings enough to reach for your communicator and contact Master Koth. “I apologize Master Koth, I seem to have fallen ill and will be unable to continue for today.” You whispered, voice cracking with effort. Eeth nodded, confusion warping his face. “Do you require medical attention?” He asked  
“No, I just need rest.”  
“Very well, rest well my padawan. We will reconvene tomorrow.” He replied.  
You nodded softly, eyes heavy. The communicator whirred off, leaving you in silence. Your eyes became too heavy to resist, dropping your communicator and falling deeply asleep.


	3. Almost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry for going dark! It's been a tough week getting back into the swing of summer classes! I will be more regular from here on out!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. You knew this more than the average padawan, and you knew what could be at stake of the highest precautions weren’t met. Rationally, your mind knew it made sense to send Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan together to aid in negotiations with the trade federation. They were commonly known as the best negotiators the jedi temple had. You knew this. Of course you knew and trusted of their skill. Yet the ache of worry still rooted deep in your gut like branches of a tree. This hearty tree of sickness blocked your mind from tour studies. It had been so abrupt, at one moment things were normal; peaceful. Then the next, Obi-wan came to you with news or so he called it.

_“I must accompany Master Qui-Gon to negotiate with the trade federation. When I come back, I would like you to recommend something new for me to read. Perhaps, this task will pass the empty hours and fill them with something more joyous.”_

He left you with that thought running over every inch of your headspace. He knew you weren’t much of a reader, perhaps that’s why his grin seemed much more playful before he boarded the Jedi issued passenger ship. You watched it leave, small hand reaching up to wave him off. Your heart was filled to the brim with hope for the force to guide him and his master through this. That warmth faded with each second that passed watching them leave planet and died as soon as they entered hyperspace. The sigh that left your lips turned a few heads, a couple jedi masters and their youngling padawan’s bowing ever so slightly. The disturbance of your soured mood was a little lighter knowing that even without Obi-Wan to fill your mind, the force could replace him if for a moment. 

You did as you were told, between training and regular missions. He promised to have been back within a few short rotations. Your worry grew as more time passed, each datapad doing less and less to keep your mind at ease. It made you miss him more, made you remember times as younglings when you both would catch eachother’s eye as you passed the library. Obi-Wan was always intelligent, he could have burnt his nose with how fast he read physical scripts and how deeply he was consumed in each word, each phrase. Part of you was very jealous of his ability to stay that focused on one script for what felt like hours. Of course you trained side by side, listening to Yoda’s teachings as you both learned the very basics of the Jedi way of life. 

_“One day I’m gonna be just like Master Yoda!” He boasted, child-like wonder brimming his full and rosy cheeks. You responded with a little giggle. “He’s like a million rotations old! Obi you may be cool but not like that when you’re older.”_

_“I don’t have to be old like Yoda to be a great Jedi!”_

_You laid down, rolling onto your back on the floor of the library. “Well maybe!” is all you could say back. He was right, your youngling mind mused._

Memories to you were thicker than blood and much more precious for you to keep. You remembered it all, every bit of information you could keep. Who could really tell when or if you’d need it. You continued to flick over the datapad in your hand, growing ever so bored of the bland story it held. You shifted in your seat, the silence of the library forcing the small sound to be audible to even the oldest of living sponges that roamed the rows and columns of data. You read and read, rolling your eyes as the story ended on a rather cheesy note. 

“Bored?” A familiar voice cooed, footsteps inaudible. You jumped a bit, mind pulling its own self out of the boring material. As soon as you recognized the soon-to-be Jedi before you, you jumped to your feet. His arms opened for you, lengthy padawan braid shifting as he bowed slightly to scoop you up. You flung your arms open just as he did, ready and willing for the bear hug that was to come. However, you didn’t expect the hug to go on just a twinge longer than he usually allowed. As you focused on him, only him, you felt a weight. Something was off, odd and wrong. You pulled back softly, hands smoothing out his robes. “Obi? Is everything alright?” You whispered to him, searching his face for any sort of an answer. You found only swirling sorrow and disbelief. You found pools of loss filling a man who you saw as the brightest and most trustworthy being in this temple. 

He didn’t reply, only shifted to avoid eye contact. His blue eyes refused to meet your own. You sighed, gripping his face gently and pushing it back to see for yourself what was wrong. “Talk to me.” You uttered, his breath hitched ever so slightly. 

“Not here. Come.” He allowed a slight smile to breach his features, still much more melancholy than you would like. You nodded gently, taking two steps back from him. You watched as he turned, guiding you away from the library and quickly to his own quarters. The walk was silent, long and painful. You could almost see the sorrow rolling off of him in thick waves. You didn’t dare ask what was bothering him, not yet. Passing many in the hallways did nothing to ease you. He was back, alive and well at least to your eye. He turned, shifting as his quarters opened to allow you both in. He locked the door behind you and sighed loudly. His shoulders shrank, forming more of a sad meat pile than a man. He walked over to the small cot he owned and sat, inviting you with a fluid motion to sit next to him. His head fell into his hands as he contemplated his next words.

“Qui-Gon Jinn has passed away. I was unable to save him, instead I simply got to watch as a sith lord stabbed him. He spoke, his last moments begging me to make sure a small boy we met after being forced with the Queen of Naboo onto Tatooine got trained to be a Jedi. I intend to keep his final wish but I am unsure if I am ready.” His voice was still strong, wavering here and there but still able to hold back any physical manifestation of his sorrow and guilt. You shifted softly, large robes making the side hug you gave Obi-Wan incredibly awkward. Yet you continued to hold him. He moved a bit, finding comfort in your touch. Truly what he had said raised more questions than answers, but you had more concern for his mental wellbeing to ask them. They will be answered later.

“What does this mean for you then?” You ushered him to continue speaking. “Well, I was given the rank of Jedi Master, no longer a padawan. Therefore I will be teaching the boy in Qui-Gon’s stead. I do not know how capable I am.” He lifted his head to glance your way, the sorrow filling his eyes was contagious. You smiled gently. “Obi-Wan, out of everyone I know, you are the most capable of teaching a padawan. Certainly better than I could ever hope to be. Congratulations.” You attempted flattery to soothe Obi-Wan’s sorrow. It worked for a fleeting moment, a true smile cracking his face. “I suppose moping about it will get me no results. That would be worse to me than denying Qui-gon’s final wish.” He muttered. You nodded, softly rubbing his back. 

“Soon you will see, I’m sure you will lead him down the path he is destined for. I am also sure it will be a great one.” You replied, pressing your forehead to his. His eyes closed, enjoying the moment you two were sharing.

“Thank you (y/n), it means…. More than I could ever hope to explain to me… To hear those words come from you.” He opened his eyes, feelings beseeching you to open yours as well. Your eyes met and for a pregnant moment, you drank in each other’s friendly adoration. It lasted much longer in your head than it did to the world. It was as if time it’s own self slowed to allow you both a moment of peace before disaster. You both have found each other in the eye of the storm and you were determined to make it last.

That is until his hand shakily gripped your cheek, soft growing callouses gently scratching your skin. You didn’t dare breathe as his eyes closed again and a slight shift closed the space between you both. It surprised you as his lips pressed to yours. You slowly closed your eyes, basking in his attention. He deeply inhaled, savoring the moment before pulling away again. You sat there, silence filling the space between you.

“I-I must go.” You cleared your throat, standing up and heading to the door. Your face felt hot as he watched you leave his quarters. “I apologize, I should not have-“ 

“No! No- I…. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed this. I just need to… Think” You smiled to him, assuring that this would not leave these quarters. He nodded in reply. “Thank you again, (y/n). You always have been there for me.” He spoke, voice a bit louder and more clear than before. You nodded to him slowly and left his quarters, immediately heading to yours.


End file.
